It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
