Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
