hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
