i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
