Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
