new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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