I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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