I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
