the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize