On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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