I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
