i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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