I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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