y did u give ur computer a hand job?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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