I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
