The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize