2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
