I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
