There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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