Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
