i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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