I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
