Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
