ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
