There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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