apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
