I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
