WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize