FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You took a bar mat shot.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
