In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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