I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
