Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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