Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
