At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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