yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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