what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
