I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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