he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
