dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
