found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
