I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
