Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
