the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
