how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
