ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I AM VODKA MAN
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
