I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
