making cat noises will not fix the situation.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
