her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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