Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
