im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
