An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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