I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
