You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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