My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
