Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
