I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
