The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
