Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
