he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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