why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
