next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
