Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
