is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If I die, sorry about rent.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
