I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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