wrigley field is MILF paradise
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
