I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize