ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
