there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize