someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize