The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
