Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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