i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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