Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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