It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
