Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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