oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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