shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Plan B is the new Plan A
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
