I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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