Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
