You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
