One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
