I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
