'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
