I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
