The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
