Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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