the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
even my farts smell like vagina
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
