Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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