My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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