Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
