i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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