Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize