He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
