I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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