Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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