Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
