I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
