Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
