I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
